The awakening

"Sir
the cage has turned a bird
and it has flown
and my heart is crazy
because it howls to death
and smiles behind the wind
to my deliriums.

What shall I do with fear
What shall I do with fear

The light dances over my smile no longer
nor the seasons burn doves in my ideas
My hands have got naked
and have traveled where death
teaches to live to the deceased.

Sir
the air punishes me
There are monsters behind air
which drink my blood.

It is disaster
It is the hour of not hollow hollow
It is the instant of putting lock to lips
of hearing the doomed scream
comtemplate each one of my names
hanging into nothing.

Sir
I am twenty years old.
Also my eyes are twenty years old
but they say nothing, though.

Sir
I have consummated my life in an instant
The last innocence has blown up
Right now is never or ever
or simply was.

¿How could I not commit suicide front of a mirror
and disappear to reappear in the sea
where a huge ship awaits me
with its great lights shinning?

¿How could I not pull out my veins
and make with them a stair
to escape into the other side of night?

Beginning has given birth to end
Everything will stay the same
the outworn smiles
the interested interest
the questions from stone to stone
the gestures that mimic love
everything will stay the same.

But my arms insist on embracing the world
for they haven´t been taught
that it is too late.

Sir
Throw the coffins of my blood.

I remember my childhood
when I was an old woman
The flowers died over my hands
because savage dance of joy
destroyed their hearts.

I remember the black sunny mornings
when I was a child
that is to say yesterday
that is to say centuries ago.

Sir
the cage has turned a bird
and has devoured my hopes

Sir
the cage has turned a bird
what shall I do with fear"
-Alejandra Pizarnik, Las aventuras perdidas (The lost adventures), 1958.